It hurts more than I thought =)
Horrible than I thought =) haha
I thought, I thought what, everything is just I "thought"
I thought I could handle it
I thought I could be strong
I thought I could act like nothing happened
I thought I could be patient, be gentle about it
I thought I could hold it
I thought I won't get mad
I thought I won't cry
I thought I could hold back my tears
I thought I could ignore it
I thought
I thought
I thought
I thought I could be able to think
I thought I could be able to control myself
yea right
Just I "thought"
The truth
is always different from "I thought"
The truth
=)
It hurts, really really hurts
Hey, just less than half an hour before, you so worry what wrong with me, why didn't I reply
Not even half an hour
Hey
"Fuck life"
hey
"Get away from my life if you can't love me as I love you"
hey
"Hate you"
" I don't need you, I don't need anybody"
"Get away from me"
hey
"you know what, I don't think I have anything to share with you, so "
"YOU, live your life, live your good life, sorry, I can't live like you, I don't think you ever understand, just live your life don't need to care anything"
" I don't need anyone, I don't NEED you"
" I haven't forgot my promise, I just can't do it now"
oh
and then what
"I'm sorry, IF I made you sad"
"Don't say anything, thanks"
right, only IF, if, if doesn't have to happen
If is just a possible thing that may happen, or not
"You don't have to accept it, you don't need to, I feel bad, so I say sorry"
"Maybe you think this is an excuse or something, but I just can't say anything differently at that time"
right, right, right
You also don't have to say anything differently
You also don't have to apologize
I don't feel sad, how can I feel sad,
When you feel really really hurt, then sad or not, it doesn't matter,
because you can't really feel it anymore
Just throw all the horrible stuffs at me,
I can listen
I can't feel, so don't worry
Then if you feel bad, just throw another sorry
I don't mind
Because sorry or not,
just a word
just throw it out
done
!
Don't worry
You promise that you will bring happy to me
You said you can't do it right now
Don't worry
At least I won't break your promise
If you know, then just leave it there,
If you don't, then don't bother to think about it,
I study in AMERICA, just easy like that, I get my I-20, I go to interview, I take my air ticket, here I am, America - a place where you want to go but your family can't really afford it, a place where you want to go because you hate VN, because you get sick of it. What bad with VN, I don't know, maybe I will never know, because I'm here, in America. One has to competitive with a hundred, or even thousand of other to get a spot in university. What bad with that, I don't know.
You hate it, life doesn't give you luck, so what can I say, I am not in a position where I can say that I know, I understand, I empathy. Happy, why not!
I have brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, I have everyone that care about me. I don't have a drunk parent come home each night yelling, swearing. I don't have a burden in my shoulder. I don't have to worry about tuition money, I don't have to worry about my grade. American school doesn't as hard as your school. I have parents pay for my school, my college. I have brother pick me up after school. I have mom and dad come to visit me, whenever they have time. I have aunts and uncles worry for me when I get sick, when I spent my first holidays here. Happy, why not!
Cold, freaking cold, I have apartment to live in, with heat, a have hot soup to eat, I have warm jacket to wear even though I feel cold inside, my hand never warm, my body never feel warm, feel strong, feel comfortable, doesn't matter, isn't it, my body has a warm jacket around, it will survive, doesn't it. So bad that my heart doesn't have one, but who care if it's warm or not, I'm OK. Just leave it likes that. Happy, why not!
My stomach hurts, I stress, it hurts,
I stress, Tears fall,
I stress, my eyes red,
I stress, I can't sleep,
I stress, destroying my biological clock
I stress, my body shaking
I stress, everything around me become so cold
I stress, I listen to music whole night
I stress, I wait until midnight, after I have done a bunch of meaningless stuffs, so my mind doesn't go crazy, so that I can do something
Last Sunday, my second time staying up that late,
Don't cry
Useless
Cry inside is enough
Don't ruin a mask outside
remember
that's how you use to live
=)
Don't worry
Just find some med, my stomach will be ok too,
Just find some think to do, my brain will ignore my heart
Just sleep, my body won't say it's cold
Just ignore it, he knows what to do
=)
I'm hurt, I'm cold, I'm freezing, I'm headache, I'm tired, I'm stress, I feel lonely, I feel really really bad, really really sad, my stomach hurts a lot, I cry, a lot, every night.
Tell that to someone =)
I don't think so
Depress?
Maybe
It's not that I haven't been depress before,
For 2 years, just 4 months before, I thought I could have get away with that, 4 months without depression, now it back, doesn't seen so surprising
